8 days a week...

well, in 7 days i will be 36. this week is better than last. today though has been one for the record books. todd was his normal drama self. he was at the exit and wanted to come home. i tried everything to get out of it. i really didn't want to see him, but since he was just right here i went. i gave him his mail. in it was a letter from the state saying his license had been suspended. this means he can't work. he will lose his job. i already foot all the bill for everything. i can't support him. plus because if this he doesn't have a fight. so i asked him to sign over his rights & leave. he broke down & asked for another chance. i just can't do it. i can't go down that road again. however, he would leave me alone so i told him i would think about it. that got him off my back.

Valentine's Day

i hate valentine's day! it is so annoying. all it does is remind us of how we are to be in love. for all of us who are in a shitting relationship it is just a reminder of the fact we are in a crappy relationship. i hope this is the last year i'm in a relationship with someone who is verbally abusive to me & the kids. everything around me reminds of the crappy situation i'm in. i was sick today, but i wonder if it is not because of the crap in my life.

TODD DOES NOT EVER NEED TO HAVE CUSTODY OF THE KIDS. HE IS A HORRIBLE PERSON. MY KIDS ARE NOT SAFE AROUND HIM.

2011

since no one actually reads this it is a good way to express things. it is valentine's weekend. i'm starting to realize how much i have screwed my life up. for some reason it just hit me that those kids that are seniors were born the year i graduated high school. which means they all could actually be my kids. i thought i could conquer the world. instead 18 years later i'm no better off than i was back then. i'm back in the same house. i have no future, and i have more mistakes and consequences under my belt. i'm in married to a man that has done nothing but drag me down. every night i go to bed & pray i wake up in another life. the only way to completely protect my kids from him is to stay married because the state of tennessee feels that both parents should be allowed to see the kids. as long as they are not physically or sexually abused i have not options. they don't see verbal abuse as being something to protect them from. so until he decides to leave i'm stuck.

PHP

i have been learning php. i love coding, but my brain has be fried. i keep forgetting to close the php tags so the html will work, or i keep forgetting the ;. this is funny. when i finally get the site to work i will be so happy.
i have to get my student loans taken care of. i don't know why they seem to have the deferment in 1 month and not the other. ugh. money sucks!

Christmas

I went shopping on Black Friday, but I was not excited. I did get this piano for Gabrielle. I also got her a Ken doll and her pjs. I got Tristen an Air Hog, Clue, and his pjs. He wants Devastator from Transformers Revenge of the Fallen. I guess he will get that. I am going to get Gabrielle a game also. I feel I need to get them more, but I don't know what. Everyone says they will be getting enough, but I don't know. I always get more. I don't want my kids to not be happy with what they get. I know I shouldn't feel this way.

proud mama

today gabrielle did something so amazing. she played with a little girl at the playground who had a development disorder. the little girls parents almost cried because the little girl had never interacted with other kids the way she did with gabrielle. they were holding hands. the braces didn't deter gabrielle. the fact the little girl couldn't talk didn't make gabrielle have a problem. the fact that the little girl rarely made eye contact didn't cause a problem.

yuckiness

Sick child is not fun ever. It is worse on a time when you have a fun plans. Luckily Tristen is with my parents and still gets to go. The issue is Gabrielle can't and explaining to her why she can't is hard. Plus Tristen is mad that I don't get to go. Luckily she didn't have the flu, but they think we may have just brought her in early. They think she probably does have the flu and are treating it that way. Hopefully I don't get sick, but I don't think I will be so lucky.